And what a good day it is! My scale went down today. So I’m at an overall weight loss of 10 pounds. Which although it is good that I’m losing weight, I don’t think it’s very impressive that it took me over a month to lose it. But I’m not letting myself get discouraged. Like I have said a million times over, if weight loss were simple, everyone would be skinny!
Speaking of skinny, I’ve been making a bucket list for myself of all the things I want to do and buy when I do lose this weight. Now, before you start lecturing me on “You shouldn’t let your weight stop you…” let me tell you a couple things.
First of all, being this weight makes me awkward. And I don’t mean stumbling over my words or shy kind of awkward. I mean clumsy, off balance and too much weight to move around as freely as I used to. It is shocking how every extra pound effects your joints and mobility. Now, I know that losing 70 more pounds like I want to will put me on the low end of my ideal weight. But even when I lose half that I know I will feel better and much healthier.
It is kinda crazy how you do not realize how much weight effects EVERY part of your life. I think the most obvious effect it has had on me so far is on my self esteem. To meet me, you would probably never know it. I am a very outgoing, happy and funny person. I love to laugh and make others laugh as well. But my personality is so much different than how I feel about how I look. All the clothes I wear are an attempt to hide my weight. I never wear anything tight or revealing and always dark colors. It is quite an occasion for me to wear anything other than black or grey.
So, between how self conscience I feel about my weight and how awkward it makes me, dieting has become one of my first priorities in life right now. I’m not ashamed to admit that. And no matter how many self help books I read, (and believe me, I’m a self help book junkie!) I don’t care what they say about finding happiness as you are. I call bull shit on that. I would not be this unhappy if I wasn’t so heavy. So for a book to tell me how I have to find happiness in order to lose weight or be successful, well, I say SCREW YOU! Obviously if you think you can find happiness before making necessary changes in your life, then you have no idea what it’s like to be me. That will not happen. I’m not saying I’m going to be depressed and crying until I get this weight off. But I am very unhappy about it and there is no way I can stop it from effecting me so strongly until it’s gone.
To sum it all up, finding real happiness for me will involve making changes. I do not know how it can’t.
Now, these are my personal feelings and opinions. They might not ring true for a lot of people. I would love to know if you agree or disagree and why!
So if you get time, let me know! I love feed back!!!!!
Ok, it’s time for me to peace outta here.