Diet, Humor

Day One… why did I start this.

Well, I woke up fat today… that makes 1,486 days in a row now. But today is going to be different! Which I have also said 1,486 days in a row, give or take an occasional holiday and birthday when I’ve decided it was ok to be fat for the day.

But today really is different and I will tell you why. And no, it’s not just because I started this blog or because I’ve been working on my YouTube Channel. It is because I have finally figured out what is stopping me from losing weight and why I am fat…. ready for this?

ME!

I am the reason I’m fat. I am the reason I cannot lose weight. JUST HOLD ON NOW! Before you start shaking your head at me, or saying something like “thanks for pointing out the obvious”, you should understand one thing. Fat people like me, and believe me there are a ton of us (pun intended), we do not realize this. At least, we don’t at first. Maybe some never do.

But just like your addicts and your narcissists and your gaslighters, we have a whole world of excuses and justifications. I have a slow metabolism, medical issues, depression, family issues, anxiety, and the list goes on and on. And when those run out, there are always the great fall backs… I am too busy to cook healthy, my boss yelled at me, my pet rock died…But you get my drift.

But today really is different! The best part about putting this in writing, is once I hit post, it’s done. As if I were writing it in stone. Out there for all the world to see and I can no longer take it back… IT’S ALL MY FAULT! There, I’ve said it. No one forced me to become fat… I’m 45 years old and I can honestly say, not once have I ever been force fed. All those bites and nibbles and sips and mouthfuls… that’s been all me.

Now, instead of becoming upset or depressed by this realization, I’m actually quite pleased. You see, now that I realize that I’m the one that caused this, I also now know, that I’m the one in control and I have been all along. So, if I can make myself fat, then I can make myself unfat…. um…. fatless….no… defatted… well, whatever… I can change. Kind of like Dorthy from The Wizard of Oz… I have had the power inside me all along. I just needed to realize it.

So now that I have that out of my system…. It’s time to get down and dirty!

I’m naming my diet “The Seven Circles”. The reason for this is after Dante’s Inferno. Dieting is hell. Plain and simple. It sucks and I don’t get to do my second favorite thing all the time anymore. But after years of being almost 80 pounds overweight, I have realized something… I’m not happy.

I used to be so much fun and carefree and loving life… and I realized that person isn’t around anymore. She got eaten by a fat girl. I’m sure she’s somewhere in here, buried beneath the rolls.

Well today, I’m going to hunt that bitch down and bring her back to the surface… one pound at a time if that is what it will take me!!!!

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